operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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