i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
