from now on my penis is your penis
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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