Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
