you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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