so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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