My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize