i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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