Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
