i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
