i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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