yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
