Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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