I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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