Farmville is her only friend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
