He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
