Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize