If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
