Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
