I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
