I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
