3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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