Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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