my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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