dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
