for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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