Your tits are I can't wait for
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
