i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
