Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
