Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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