You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
