Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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