Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize