Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
