that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
