Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
NoShamevember. You game?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
