Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't deserve a penis
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize