:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
