Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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