The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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