whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
