literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
