It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
