But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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