okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
