So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize