Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize