life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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