Me too!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
