I want to make a zoo with you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
