and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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