Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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