at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
