I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
