i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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