Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
