soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
