Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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