good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
