I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
