I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize