Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Randomize
