oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
