Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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