I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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