he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just high enough for therapy.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
