im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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