I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
