lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
