Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
