You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
