I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize