there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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