Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
