plz talk dirty to me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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