I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
